


faith was strong (but you needed proof)

by SaraJaye



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Blood and Injury, Complicated Relationships, Confrontations, Crying, Death Seeker Dimitri, Face Punching, Felix the healer, Feral Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, First Kiss, Healing Magic, Heavy Angst, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:08:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24745123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraJaye/pseuds/SaraJaye
Summary: He had no aptitude for Faith, hated church, hated singing in the choir. But he endured it, all for the sake of a feral beast he'd never stopped loving.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 1
Kudos: 56
Collections: FE3H Kink Meme





	faith was strong (but you needed proof)

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt** : Dimilix - "Wasted Effort"/"I don't need help."

If the sight of the boar's face after Duscur made him want to retch, being near him when he was in this state pushed the bile to the top of his throat. The sight, the smell, the sounds of the boar regressed to a state even worse than that day in Duscur would have made anyone else collapse in a gibbering mess of their own vomit and tears by now, and some days Felix felt dangerously close to it himself.

But he stuck by the boar anyway, because _someone_ had to. Everyone else was too scared to do _anything_ but fuss and whimper over how they'd never seen their beloved prince like this, and he didn't want someone like Mercedes to get close and the boar to spear them through the gut. Even the boar's lapdog seemed at a loss for what to do.

_So once again, it's up to a Fraldarius to protect, serve, and keep a Blaiddyd from being stupid._ The boar was dripping blood from a series of new cuts, his armor badly needed mending and so did the black trousers he'd been wearing day in and day out. Felix sighed, closed his eyes, and focused as he cast Recover.

He had no aptitude for Faith magic. He'd been born to swing a sword, and that was all he ever wanted to do. But with the other healers too scared to get close to Dimitri as he was right now, _someone_ had to patch the idiot up when he threw himself into battle after battle, his own blood mingling with that of his victims.

So Felix, through gritted teeth, asked Professor Byleth and Professor Manuela to instruct him in Faith. He went to daily sermons at the church. He went to choir, even though his singing was mediocre at best and he couldn't harmonize worth shit. He learned two basic healing spells plus one to drain the enemy if he himself got hurt.

"There," he sighed. Magic could take a lot out of a person if they weren't used to it, but he'd fortified himself against that from the beginning. He couldn't very well keep the boar alive if he was going to pass out every time he cast a spell. "That should hold if you don't move for, I dunno, the next few days."

"Wasted effort," Dimitri muttered, and Felix twitched. That was all the idiot ever said anytime Felix healed him, or blocked an enemy's strike, or did anything that involved protecting or helping him. That, or _I don't need help._ If only the boar would look in a fucking mirror for once, he'd realize how _wrong_ he was.

"Then stop throwing yourself on everything that comes your way," Felix muttered. "Or at least fix your damn armor and your clothes so you won't get sliced like a carrot." The boar had the audacity to look at him like he hadn't _understood._ Granted, there was little he understood these days besides bloodshed and screaming for the Emperor's head, but still. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, then shut it.

The battle dragged on, the boar kept getting himself nearly hacked to bits, and Felix cast Recover until he thought he _was_ going to pass out. And as always, the boar whined about "wasted effort" claiming he didn't need any help.

"Are you _trying_ to get yourself killed?" Felix snapped once the battle was over. Dimitri was draped over his shoulder, limping, covered in bruises. "You're lucky Mercedes was in range during that last stretch, that cut was more than I could handle alone!"

The boar stopped in his tracks and turned to face him with empty eyes.

"I thought that was what you wanted." Felix's stomach lurched.

"Excuse me?" The boar let go of his shoulder and moved to look him directly in the face.

"You said it five years ago. The Dimitri you knew died a long time ago, in Duscur," he said in an even, hollow tone. "I'm just a stranger with his face, and just barely anymore. A wild beast. The sight of whom makes you want to retch." A sickly smile crossed his face. "I can never be the old Dimitri again, so I thought perhaps I could give you one last gift. For this body to die, so you could bury him along with the boy you once knew...then you could move on, and be happy at last."

His hand moved so fast he wasn't aware of punching the boar's face until he felt the aftermath on his knuckles, saw Dimitri sprawled on the grass and the fresh bruise forming.

"You _idiot!_ You fucking goddess-damned idiot! What the _hell_ made you think such stupid things?!" he shouted. "If I wanted you dead I wouldn't be able to heal you! I wouldn't have wasted the past _nine fucking years_ learning a subject I _hate_ just to keep you alive! I studied Faith textbooks, I took healing lessons, I went to _church!_ I sang in the fucking _choir!_ Do you think I'd go through all that if I wanted you _dead?!_ "

His voice broke on the last word, and to his chagrin he was collapsing to his knees on the bloodied grass of the battlefield, scalding tears pouring down his cheeks. He couldn't remember the last time he'd cried, even when he'd learned Glenn was gone he'd been so shaken he hadn't been able to. There had been times in the last nine years he'd _wanted_ to cry, and successfully willed himself not to because to him, strength was anger. Hating everything that took so much from him. Living and dying by the sword.

But all the tears he'd held back, all the emotions, all the feelings he'd had towards Dimitri were erupting at last and it was such a sickening relief. Face buried in his hands, his entire body heaving from the force of it, not giving a damn that they were still outdoors and anyone could see him like this.

"Felix." A hand on his shoulder, Dimitri's low, broken tone. Felix swallowed, trying to catch his breath.

"I heard you were dead. That you'd been executed," he choked. "Gilbert came back, looking utterly defeated, told us you were gone and I'd never felt _emptier_ than I did at that moment."

"Felix-"

"I was angry at you for the rebellion, I hated how you just pretended it never happened, brushing me off every time I tried to talk about it, pretending you didn't _realize_ how fucking _terrified_ I was that day," he went on. "But no matter how angry I got at you, I never once wished for your death. Despite everything, even though it _hurt_ that Glenn died, I was glad you were still alive."

"I'm sorry." The words made Felix raise his head, facing Dimitri. The boar's own cheeks were streaked with tears, and the sight of the dark bruise already formed made Felix almost regret punching him. "I just...I didn't _think-_ "

"That your life was worth saving anymore? That I still cared?"

"Exactly." Dimitri moved to wipe his coat sleeve across his eye, but Felix stopped him, digging a handkerchief from his pocket.

"Here." It was Glenn's, one of the only things of his Felix had bothered to keep close at hand besides his old spur. Dimitri took the cloth gingerly and wiped at his eyes.

"Thank you."

"I don't want you to die," Felix said, sniffling. "You're one of the only people I have left in the world and I don't _care_ if you'll never be that soft golden boy again." He gripped Dimitri's hands, looking into his remaining eye. "I _need you._ " And before Dimitri could answer, Felix pulled him close and kissed him, unleashing every ounce of love and longing he'd felt since they were young.

Dimitri kissed him back.

They fell to the grass in a tangled, desperate embrace, Dimitri's lips salty with both their tears, the possibility of being seen even further away from Felix's mind by now.

In those golden days, Felix spent many an hour daydreaming about his first kiss with Dimitri. Soft, gentle, the backdrop of a lake or a flower field or a forest or the training grounds at the castle. Meeting those wide blue eyes, blushing as he confessed his feelings and hearing Dimitri confess right back.

They were older now, Dimitri a haggard wreck and Felix a cynical asshole who couldn't handle his feelings worth a damn. They were both covered in bruises and scars, Dimitri was missing an eye. They lay on a field of blood-stained field of dying grass, knowing full well a war was going on all around them.

But it was Dimitri, and he was all Felix had ever wanted.

It seemed like ages before they parted for air, Dimitri's expression less hollow than before. Almost human.

"You really studied Faith and went to choir practice, all for my sake?" Felix nodded.

"Damn right I did." He'd forgotten how good it felt to just be _honest_ about something. "I know I can't fix what's wrong with you, but now I can at least fix your body if you get hurt. So...at least promise you'll stop trying to get yourself killed?"

Dimitri sighed, shifting to stand up and offering Felix his hand.

"I'll try."

Felix smiled a little, taking the prince's hand and standing up. It would be a long time before Dimitri was truly okay again, before either of them were, but he'd managed to make at least a dent in the wall of revenge surrounding his old friend.

"Thanks."


End file.
